A Quiet Saturday Night in the life of a Guilt Addict

I’m a photographer.  A live band photographer to be exact.  I love what I do, I’m good at it, and enjoy a level of respect for my work I never would have imagined two years ago when I began.

I’ve found myself lying low the past few months, shooting little, and processing less.  Self sabotage?  I’m supposed to be at the Whisky A-Go-Go tonight in L.A. on the Sunset Strip, not to shoot, but because I won two free tickets to see a band I’ve shot before, here from Australia.  Instead, I’m making a late dinner and sitting at home.

I feel guilty, saying I would attend a gig that I’m now flaking on.  I wasn’t slated to shoot, thank God, but my Ego tells me that everyone will know I’m not there, and my reputation will take a hit.  The other side of me says no one will miss me, I’m only one body.

Bottom line is, I need to be home and quiet.  I have a project that’s overdue, and I need to put my head down and get ‘er done.  Meh.  Thing is, I know I’ll just veg tonight, and leave the processing to another day, increasing my stress, and the belief that I’m a total irresponsible flake.

I crack myself up.  Drama queen much?!?

Healthy guilt exists to help me move forward in authenticity and honesty.  Unhealthy guilt and induced shame are old tapes I replay over and over again.  Gawd I’m tired of those old tapes.  Simple solution?  Make a decision, stick to it, get ‘er done.

Sounds soooo freakin’ easy!  Soooooo, how does it serve me to recreate this same scenario over and over again?

I guess this life lesson is still developing, still working itself out.  I won’t change my spots until I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.


4 thoughts on “A Quiet Saturday Night in the life of a Guilt Addict

  1. There are so many days now when I just choose not to. I always felt responsible to be and do everything. Now, I just give myself the gift of the quiet “No” . My point is that you deserve the same gift. Start taking it a little bit at a time until it just becomes part of your routine. Have a peaceful weekend…Clare

    1. Thank you Clare. I’m in total agreement, and LOVE your words “…I just give myself the gift of the quiet “”no””. Time and experience have helped me to understand more of my inner workings, how I roll, and gratefully, how better to love myself. Yay! Being at peace in my skin is my ultimate priority now. I’m sure you’re right there with me, yes?
      Enjoy every moment this weekend, Clare!

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