Depression’s Downward Spiral; Climbing My Way Back UP!

I was diagnosed with depression many years ago.  It began when I was nine, and has been a constant, lurking shadow throughout my life.  In the early nineties, I was prescribed medication to treat my dark-pit mood and suicidal thoughts .  It worked, but eighteen months later, I realized that I felt like a walking zombie.  With three small children to raise who needed a whole mommy and a husband who needed a conscious wife, my doctor agreed to wean me off of the meds, as long as I stayed in therapy, which I did.

The words “snap out of it!” don’t work for those of us who suffer from this debilitating condition.  Depression is a horrible circle…when it’s present, I feel hopeless and incapable, and everyday life paralyzes me.  I then become unable to perform the most mundane tasks, which, if carried out, would help me feel better.  I know exercise helps my dark mood and kicks my body into a great endorphin rush, but just the thought of getting dressed to step outside the house, is too exhausting to even remotely consider.  And then I feel more hopeless and incapable!

Sucks, don’t it?!?

This latest bout of depression has lasted for two or three years….honestly, I didn’t recognize my symptoms until I began to feel better.  That came when I stopped sitting and watching TV (putting an extra forty pounds on my body, which didn’t help), and picked up a craft I used to love more than twenty-five years ago.  I started simply, a small counted-cross stitch project, something I could handle easily and see progress quickly.  I found I was looking forward to getting up in the morning, excited to get my hands moving, even though I was still sitting and watching TV the entire time.  Small, macro steps, ya know?

OneSmallCrack   Right?!?

This morning, I realized how important it is to me to feel and be productive.  It has become important to me to contribute outside of my little cave.  I’m partnering with my daughter on a wonderful project, one that centers on crafting and includes podcasting, writing and interacting with others who share our love of handwork.  I’m learning new skills, both in hand work and in the vast world of technology.  I’m now producing beautiful memories for family, friends and for myself, and more importantly, finding structure in my day.  I didn’t realize how lost I had become with an empty day spread out before me.  My mood has lifted, and the cobwebs are clearing!

Spiderweb copy

If you, like me, have a tendency to suffer from depression, my heart goes out to you.  Whether you choose medication or alternative methods to help you to climb out of that dark pit of despair, please choose.  Choose life.  You and I have gifts to contribute to the world, even if that world holds but one other living, breathing creature.

May you have a gentle and self-caring day.  🙂

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12 thoughts on “Depression’s Downward Spiral; Climbing My Way Back UP!

    1. Hi Lauren! I’m so happy and grateful that you and your sister have accepted this calling. A community that holds each other up, promotes self love, and acknowledges individual’s gifts. What a welcome oasis for those living with depression!
      I look forward to sharing with, and learning from you!
      xoxo Dori

      1. Thank you so much!! We’ve just started this recently (yesterday) but it’s something we’re both passionate about.
        thank you so much for the support!!
        xox Lauren

  1. Depression is devastating. My brother was depressed his whole life, I saw him fall into pits of despair and try to drag me with him. There is within a person, some physical problem (I believe) that some people cannot overcome and this causes depression. I always thought my brother had ADHD, but was never diagnosed. I am my brother’s caregiver and power of attorney and after 2 depressing years of caring for him I had to place him in the nursing home. For those with depression – my heart goes out to you – I cannot imagine how awful life can be when you have to fight to overcome depression and be happy.

      1. I give you my word, dear one! No matter how low I’ve been, hope and love, both within and outside of myself, has been the light and saving grace that’s moves me toward healing. ❌⭕️

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