It began so innocently.
I wanted to write a post about the artistic gene that runs in my family, specifically on my father’s side. In order to get my facts right, especially the correct spelling of my great-grandfather’s VERY Italian name, I decided to go on MyHeritage.com to do some research. The first two weeks are free, yay!, and if I decide to stay on, they charge a small yearly fee. I’m good with that.
I typed in my father’s name and came up with information I already knew; my grandparent’s names, places of birth, etc. Instead of going in order and researching my grandfather’s parentage, I decided to include my mother’s lineage first, especially since the information is usually erroneous, being as my grandmother falsified who she was.
(That’s another post, for another time.)
Here’s the deal. I tripped on a legal document that has my head spinning. Only because it conflicts with what I’ve been told for the fifty-seven and a half years of my life. I understand the reason for the discrepancy, believe me I do, but now I have soooo many questions….I know as the day wears on, I’ll work through all the confusing feelings I have, and I’ll be okay. For now, my body is feeling a great deal of static, caused by warring emotions. (My hands are actually shaking as I type this.)
The best part of all this, front and center, is the strong feeling of understanding, acceptance and unconditional love. All the healing work I’ve done for the past thirty years has come to fruition in this single moment, and the journey has been worth it. It feels peaceful, and even mature, like I’ve actually grown up! I have hope that as this puzzle piece is gently put into place, more healing will take place for everyone concerned.
To be honest, there may be an explanation for the document I discovered…the truth, whatever it is, changes nothing, really. Love is love, and that remains, stronger than ever. That thought helps me tremendously!
Now to distract myself with a routine chore, or something creative. It does me no good to stay stagnant in these feelings. Time to take extreme self caring measures for the itsy-bitz inside of me. 🙂
Love to all of you,